Our Summer is winding down. I love my kids(really) but we are ready to start school. I saw this list on Two Peas in a Bucket NSBR Message Board and I HAD TO RE POST my favorites. Here is the whole list. This is totally meant sarcastically and it is funny.
Misconception Number 1: Moms miss their kids when they go back to school
Seriously, I've had enough of you by now. Every morning with the "what are we going to do today, Mom?" is finally over. I've had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days. It's over. You're going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it's called "back to school".
Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping.
Are you freaking kidding me, "Whey do I pay taxes?", so I can rack up a 200 dollar bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why doe it have to be new pencils? What's wrong with the chewed up, broken strawberry shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parent to that list I wouldn't mind so much...why not pencils, erasers and vodka..or some NyQuil.
Misconception Number 3: Moms like back to school night.
Why must we do this every year?I got it already. You're the teacher. I'm the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number or colored dot on his discipline chart, he can't get a prize from the prize box. Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I'm pretty old school. If he doesn't listen to you, you can throw something at him. I don't care. But I got a lot of work to do at home and I'm paying a babysitter right now. Plus, I'm pretty sure you are going to assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I've never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We're all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah, Blah, Blah. Can I leave now?
Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping you with your homework.
What? I am scared out of my mind. I'm pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what your are talking about most days. I don't really know my 12 times tables, I read the Cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don't know how to conjugate anything. But I do know that song,"conjunction junction what's your function", if that helps at all. And please don't even say the words "new math" to me. What the heck was wrong with the old one?
Misconception Number 7: Moms can't wait to pack your lunch every day until we die
I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of "Mom Fun", lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth and scheduling my annual pap smear. Listen, as a child I hated what my Mom packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me, and every generation to come you will find a kid to trade with. I'm sure someone likes sardines.
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